he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
