Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
