If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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