just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
