i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
