This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize