One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
