I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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