Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
