Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
