She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
