There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
