ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
