drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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