I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
