it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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