I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We got so high we made milksteak
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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