Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
