and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
