Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

Fav 5 4071 959
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(785): View more from Kansas

We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

Fav 19 5258 2395
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(312): View more from Illinois

Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?

Fav 33 3614 3911
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(901): View more from Tennessee

hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?

Fav 13 3289 1583
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day

Fav 16 3862 1265
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(254): View more from Texas

you are never too drunk for berry picking

Fav 7 1755 779
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(505): View more from New Mexico

The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.

Fav 3 1373 765
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(425): View more from Washington

I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.

Fav 0 226 113
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(630): View more from Illinois

Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?

Fav 0 45 14
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