i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
