In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize