I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
