walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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