i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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