Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
