i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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