so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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