I'm going to jail i love you
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
