I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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