I accidentally burped into my bong.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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