Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Someone signed my nipple.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
