I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
