that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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