The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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