If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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