We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
