It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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