Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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