I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
