Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
