am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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