I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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