A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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