she woke up with a sticky ear
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
