So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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