I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
