Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
