So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
