Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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