Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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