i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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