is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
