I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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