How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
