Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We are all done wearing pants today
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
