You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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