You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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