I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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