Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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