I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
