There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You just made me feel so damn special
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
