the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
