fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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