I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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