im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
