Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
