yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
