the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
