But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
